Triple the love...and then some.

So I really can't believe I'm writing this...but our family is growing.....again!! 

 No, I'm not pregnant.  But it totally feels like I am.  A couple months ago, God literally birthed a child in our hearts.  He has very powerfully opened our hearts to love and to adopt a little boy from HAITI!!  We cannot WAIT to know this little man and feel so privileged that God has encouraged us and challenged us to love like He does.  

"The place God calls you to is where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet."  -Frederick Buechner

So yes, a few months ago Ryan told me one night about how he had been feeling for a while that we are supposed to serve God in some way but he wasn't sure what or how.  It was really bothering him and I could tell it was a big deal.  So then I started praying about it and searching for clarity too.  Needless to say, adoption came to my mind a few days later and when I mentioned that to Ryan, he slowly said "that could be it!" Pretty much right after that, it seemed like EVERYTHING was pointing us in this direction.  Everything we read in the Bible and heard in church encouraged us to say yes. So we looked into domestic adoption and fostering to adopt locally...but God led us to Haiti!  

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying "This is the way: walk in it." Isaiah 30:21

We were definitely being PULLED to it...but we kept hesitating to just say yes.  It's scary!  So many unknowns! Can we even handle this?  Maybe this isn't what He's actually calling us to.  We already have 4 kids!  5 is a lot!  And we had never thought about adoption before...even all those years that we were trying for Kacie.  And then all of the sudden, the vision of another child was consuming us!!  Before we told the girls anything about it, one night I was putting Emily to bed and she said "Mom I had a dream last night that we had little brother."  (My heart like stopped at that moment because none of the girls have EVER talked about a brother before).  I said "What was he like?"  She said "He was 2ish and his name was Michael. How come we can't have a brother?  I really want a brother."  (I had goosebumps at this point and told her, well, you could have a brother if we ever adopted).  I didn't know how she'd respond to that idea but her eyes lit up with excitement.  Then I just told her good night. :)  Her dream was just another unbelievable sign that He was directing us to adopt.  It has totally felt like God wants to love on this child...through us... and if God really does want us to do this, we will never know what COULD have been.  And basically we don't want to miss what God has for us or for this little guy...and so we are hanging on to Him for this journey He has begun in us!! 

"The One who has called you is greater than the uncertainty ahead of you." 

There is always a risk in having children. It can be very scary! When we choose to have children, we have to offer up our comforts of doing whatever we want, our sleep, and our control of keeping a clean house, etc. :) And maybe that's why pregnancy has always been a time in my life when I have felt very close to God.  I have learned through my pregnancies, that my life is not my own and that I am not in control of how my preemie triplet babies would turn out.  I'm not even in control of getting prego with triplets for that matter!  My miscarriage helped me see that I need to put my hope in the One who gives me children instead of put my hope in having my children.  And then with Kacie, I learned that everything is in His perfect timing.  The long wait for Kacie taught me to surrender my own desires and plans for His.  I have learned and continue to learn in my "waiting," to TRUST God....to give it all to Him....and to rest in His peace.

 And this "pregnancy" is no different. None of my children, whether they are biological or adopted, are really my children anyway.  They were ALL created by God, given to me by God, and belong to Him anyway. He continues to be in control and I'm so thankful they are all in His hands.

This will be quite a wait this time around.  Haiti has interesting laws.  We won't get matched with our child for 2ish years...(who will be between ages 2-4 then..which will be a little bit younger than Kacie)....then Ryan and I will travel there for 2 weeks to bond with him in the orphanage.  But THEN, we have to leave him there and come back home and wait for them to call us like a year later...to go back and get him.  That will be so hard I can't even think about it yet....and I'm secretly hoping Haiti's laws on that change by the time we get a referral. :) But anyway, we would so love and appreciate your prayers as we navigate through ALL of the paperwork and ups and downs of international adoption.  Please pray for our son, pray for patience for us..and just praise God with us for leading our family in this way.

"I will go before you and make the rough places smooth; I will shatter the doors of bronze, and cut through their iron bars.  And I will give you the treasures of darkness, and hidden wealth of secret places, in order that you may know that it is I, the Lord, the God of Israel, who calls you by your name." Isaiah 45:2-3

I have told a few friends that I think I have a "Mom" Bible verse. Ephesians 3:20 which I had on the bottom of our "triplet" blog forever says "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all I can ask or imagine, according to the power that is at work in us..."   God clearly gave us immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine by giving us triplets.  Then Kacie was more than we could have imagined since we totally thought we weren't able to have any more children.  And then the fact that He was able to open our hearts so wide for adoption is more than I could have ever imagined for my life.  It's another miracle in fact.  

We definitely question God on those chaotic nights at home where all the children are hyper at dinner, those nights where we may have yelled more than we'd like, and the days we can hardly think straight with all the commotion.  We have had our fair share of fear overcome us. But at the same time, we see how His love is bigger than our fear. We are enough for this because He is enough.   It's so hard to explain the deep peace we feel that He's got this...and I pray that peace continues! 

Isaiah 41:10  "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Since having triplets, random strangers have told us throughout the years that our hands are so full and "I'm so glad God gave you triplets because you can handle it and I never could."  But trust me, God DOESN'T give us what we can handle.   Life is hard.  He helps us handle what we've been given. Sometimes He asks us to do things that make us uncomfortable because when we think we can do it, we get the glory.  But when it's something that requires trust and faith and is beyond our control, He gets the glory.   So yes,  our life is full.  Life is crazy at times, yes.  But God has helped us handle this crazy life so far and so we can't ignore His nudging to follow Him to Haiti.  And by doing this, we pray that His praises and His love...will be multiplied. 

"Your love is like radiant diamonds
Bursting inside us we cannot contain
Your love will surely come find us
Like blazing wild fires singing Your name

God of mercy, sweet love of mine. 

I have surrendered to your design.  

May this offering stretched across the skies 

and these hallelujah's be multiplied." -Needtobreathe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGF-MGGLpB0

EEEK!!!  We have a little SON out there!!!!! Right now!  I still can't believe it.  Can.not. believe it!!!  God's gifts and surprises never cease to amaze me.