Back to School thoughts

I can't even explain how I've been feeling the past couple of weeks.  This whole "back to school" thing has got me by surprise!  If you would have asked me a few years ago, I feel like I would have thought that I would be ecstatic for the going back to school time of life.  I would have thought I would be pumped and proud that we "survived" the crazy parenting years with all our kids at home and that I would be SO ready for some peace and quiet!  But nope, I don't feel that way!  This year just feels so different.  Last year, they were headed to 3K and I was READY for that!  It was only two mornings a week so I was excited for my first real break and a chance to run errands in peace! :)  And let me tell you, that time FLEW by!  And it was so easy sending them cuz the girls were SO READY for school and loved every minute of it!  But this year, just feels so much BIGGER!  I think it's because they get to take the bus....and they will go 3 mornings a week with the option to stay for lunch OR the option to go all day!  We will mostly just do the 3 mornings but STILL!  I'm having a hard time with this!  It's a whole new transition that I'm just not quite ready for...it's hard when all of my friends still have a 3 year old and/or baby at home so they are still in that busy "stay at home" mom stage.  But then I feel so different now, so out of place!!  With all THREE of my children leaving at once!  I try to get a hold of myself because this isn't even all day every day yet!  What in the WORLD will I do then?!  I guess what makes this all harder and more emotional too is that I am just not ready for full time school kiddos yet.  I still want to be in the "stay at home" busy mom stage SO BAD.  This all just went too too fast and I still have that deep desire for another baby...for one more chance to experience growing a miracle...for one more chance to go through all the stages of raising a child (with probably less chaos than the first time around!)  I really can't explain how I feel about it all.  It's like I'm sooo happy and pumped for my girls and feel so blessed to have them...and then at the same time, just feel empty too!  (Which I know is crazy because I AM so blessed!)  I wish I could explain it all...so many feelings, so many emotions...  I guess I just want to pause life a little.  Raising triplets is the best thing in the world...and I have loved the past 5 years so much ....only problem is....it just FLIES by.  And I feel like it's hard to even savor the moment because I don't know how great it is, until it's gone ya know?  I've been very sentimental lately too because we've been watching home videos....and I see my babies as newborns, at the super cute crawling stage...at their babbling baby talk stage....and then their learning how to walk waddle stage....and I just LOVED IT ALL!!  Even all the chaos!   And just like that - it's gone! All.At.Once!  AHHH!!!  I get teary eyed just thinking about it again.  I know that I'll always be the girls' mom even when they are at school....but it just feels SOOO different.  I'm adjusting to not being needed 24/7... sorry I just felt like writing all my thoughts out.  What a crazy transition.  School officially starts on Thursday.  The girls, on the other hand, couldn't be more excited.  I just think it's so weird how I can feel two totally different things at the exact same time. I'm so excited for them....yet sad the 'at home" stage is pretty much over all at the same time.  Please keep praying for Ryan and I and our infertility struggle too.  Please pray we find our contentment in Christ...and that we continue to trust Him as we wait for His perfect timing....and that we will be able to BELIEVE His timing and His plan really is perfect. :)  
The other day the girls said "Mom, I really want a baby brother."  And then Addy said in a really thoughtful way "But Mom, if we had a baby brother, how would we watch cartoons?  Would he have to watch boy cartoons on another tv?"  So funny the things they think about.  That thought has never crossed my mind...but now that I think about it, -what DO people do with different sex kids? :) We are clearly ALL girl over here! :)  Stay tuned for the back to school pics in a few days!!!