Hi there! I have been meaning to give an update as to how God has been teaching me things regarding this whole "waiting" process with wanting another baby. It's still so crazy to me that I would have had another baby in about 1 week....it's hard to imagine now....but also makes me sad when I think about it because I do wish that little one was still here and a part of our family. There have been definite frustrating months of waiting and wondering and hoping and all of that since my miscarriage in March...but I feel like God has given me a new sense of peace regarding this in the past couple of months.
I have found an AMAZING book for high school girls that I gave to my Senior small group girls this year. It's called Graceful by Emily Freeman and it really is so great and I wish I would have been able to read it when I was in high school. I HIGHLY recommend it. She has another book called Grace For the Good Girl that is written for those out of high school :) ...and that one is amazing too. You should read it. :) But anyway, I wanted to share one thing that has really helped me a lot with this infertility struggle because I know there are so many of you out there who struggle with it too. Here's the quote from the book "I wonder if Mary was a dreamer too. At fifteen, she and Joseph were already engaged. I wonder if she dreamed about their life together, their wedding, what it would be like. I'm certain her dreams didn't include an unplanned pregnancy or a baby with a death sentence before she and Joseph even said "I do." God's dreams for Mary were bigger than the dreams Mary could have had for herself. Her dreams may have been sweet, but his dreams were epic."
When I read that a couple months ago, I just had to stop reading and hold my mouth open for a while. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I have a plan for my life that involves FOUR children and all sorts of other stuff....and that may all be great and all...but God's dreams for me are EPIC. Wow. He isn't withholding a blessing from me. His blessings will be greater. He isn't destroying MY dreams...He just has even better ones. And that, to me, is SO exciting. And that, to me, gives me so much HOPE and has been helping me anytime I get sad that another month has passed by. I seriously think of that sentence a lot...and so I've been wanting to share it with all of you too who may be struggling with ANY of your dreams not being met....dreams of finding a spouse, dreams of having a baby, dreams of finding a job or who knows what... God is doing something in each of us. And I want to cling to that. I wonder what He has for me. Instead of grumbling now, He is teaching me to wait with expectant hope....kind of like a giddy kid at Christmas time waiting to unwrap a Christmas gift. I used to have months where I would have hope - but the end result of that hope still had a baby in my arms at the end of the day. But now, even though I still want another baby, He has been giving me a different kind of hope - a hope that is just excited to see what He has for me, whether that includes a baby or not. Does that make sense? I'm SO thankful He's been teaching me that. I think another baby would be QUITE something special.. but it's pretty amazing to think that God has something EVEN better for me. ...and for you too. The something better might even be the peace I feel as I'm learning what trust in Him looks like.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." Prov. 3:5-6
